3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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