He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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