literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
