gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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