every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
