my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
