I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do vagina's smell?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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