you guys were way drunker than both of me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I FOUND THE LEGS
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