the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
