My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
