I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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