I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Randomize