On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
