my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
