I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
