How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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