I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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