so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
