so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
