oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
