Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
