At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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