it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
