My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
