Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
