My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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