I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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