woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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