i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Floor bacon is actually really good
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
