just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
