Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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