She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
