I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
