u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
