Need sex. Gaining weight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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