Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize