nutella sex= disaster
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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