I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
