cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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