I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
