i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
