you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
