it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
