Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
