Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
