yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
