she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
