some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
