Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
