i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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