I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize