There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
