When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
