Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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