i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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