Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
