We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
