i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
