My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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