Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize