can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
