My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am midnight drunk by noon
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
