I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thus making me awesome and them whores
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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