I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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