Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
