I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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