it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
