K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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