hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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