I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
