Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
