This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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