so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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