OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
40s are totally the cure
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is Oprah even human
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
