If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
4 words: hood of his car
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
