dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
