If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
