and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
