I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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