I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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