I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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