dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
