Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize