hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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