Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
