I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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