in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
