Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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