so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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