So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
