hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
