You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
