Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
