youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
