I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
