I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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